Frankenhog: why Sonic HD is going to kick ass

Retro-boners exploded into streams of rose-tinted ejaculate with the announcement that the next Sonic game will be rendered entirely in crisp, high-definition 2D. The accompanying teaser trailer charged over the horizon with the thunderous roar of retro sound effects, the classic logo emblazoned on its banner and cries that Project Needlemouse was here. Sonic hasn't answered to the call of Needlemouse since he stopped being a rough design scrawl on a diner napkin; any more old-school and he'll be shipping on a cassette tape with a badly-translated text scroll for the ending.

Predictably, comments have fallen into three catagories; the ones struggling to type over the floods of salty tears, the slightly more realistic ones that point out that Sonic Team can ruin anything given enough time, and the naysayers to whom Sega can do no right and probably use the entrails of babies to divine their next plotline, those Dreamcast-axing Nintendo suck-ups.

But let's not forget that this is a 2D game, and to the present day Sonic's record has been pretty good:

That's an average score of 82% for the last five straight platform games, not counting Rivals 1 & 2 as they were a) entirely rendered in 3D and b) utter wank that deviated from the template anyway.

In other words, the 2D games have been good. Very good. Depending on who you ask, they are average at worst and brilliant at best. So really, there's still no reason why Project Needlemouse can't be a good game. Just look at what they have to work with!


Sonic Advance

By far and away the most old-school of the post-Adventure titles, Advance took the Megadrive classics and gave them a fresh coat of paint. The music is warmer, the intro is slick and small touches like sprite rotation give it a smoother finish. Moreover, it treats fans to some pleasing retro moments, including a direct copy of the classic stand-off between Sonic and Knuckles (only to reveal him as a rocket-powered robot replica) and iconic boss battles from the very first two games. But the stand-out moment comes in the final zone, the first act taking you across the ominously quiet launch pad and up into Eggman's satellite as it rises into space, and the second act throwing you into a gigantic and vibrant inner chamber. A different timer that resets itself whenever a section of level breaks away hits the player with a last-minute change of structure, and is exactly what lent Sonic & Knuckles its epic feel just seven years earlier.


Sonic Advance 2

Having apparently decided that the first installment was too tame, Sonic Team donned a beer hat and went ape-shit. Everything is more frenetic - the speed, the gameplay, the presentation, the lot. Even bosses consist of running battles against speeding machines. The result didn't please everyone, with criticism being levelled at the ability to complete many levels by simply holding right, with the occasional enemy unfairly thrown in the player's path to slow them down. But anyone who plays the game like that misses out entirely on Advance 2's biggest accompishment - some of the most intricate level design in video game history.

To complete the game properly, you need the chaos emeralds. To get them, you need to collect seven special rings in one act of each zone, which let you access the special stage. And to get these rings you either hit GameFAQs or you explore. And explore. And explore. Even when you know where to get them, by Christ those rings are hard to get. They involve quick wits and nimble fingers, with some of them hidden behind the most dexterous platforming ever required in a Sonic game. Advance 2 demonstrates that levels can criss-cross and flow seamlessly, the concept of multiple paths doing an injustice to how organically the different elements of each level fit together. It's the first Sonic game where players really can 'hold right to win', and the best at showing how idiotic that is.


Sonic Advance 3

Gimmicks and Sonic: a match made in hell. But with Advance 3, Sonic Team and Dimps hit upon a system that tailored the game to suit the player without ever getting in the way. The player is joined by a second character, who plays pretty much the same role as Tails in the original games - a nice companion, maybe dropping an enemy or two along the way, but never one that gets in the way. So far so samey.

But Advance 3 took that idea and ran with it. With five playable characters there are 25 unique combinations, and each one changes the way you play. Choosing Cream as your support gives you her Chao-based homing attack; picking Amy will change your jumping and attack style. Moreover, certain combinations have extra effects. Cream as support alters the way Tails can fly, while Sonic gives Knuckles an extra-fast superglide. And the best thing about it is that it never gets in the way, and the levels are designed to accomodate any combination. You choose your character, you pick the modifier that suits you best and away you go. Advance 3 gives you 24 more ways to play than that hairy-ass werehog does, and is 24 times better to boot.


Sonic Rush

The first game on DS and a new chapter for the series, Rush took one look at Advance 2 and said 'Pff. That's the best you can do?'

Rush is all about speed. The focus is the tension gauge, which fills up as you destroy enemies and perform mid-air tricks. Activating it unleashes a burst of speed that ploughs through absolutely everything; the difficulty lies in balancing a genuine need to boost with path-clearing priorities and trying to get enough air to rack up a good score. Fast, breezy and nimble with a pounding soundtrack from the Jet Grind maestro, Rush does its job adequately and gives Sonic a fresh new look. But that isn't the reason I love it.

First off, it introduces the best new sidekick since Tails in the form of Blaze, a feline princess with a mean line in fiery attacks and icy demeanour. Not as fast as Sonic but much better at boosting through the air, Blaze is better at accessing those tricky routes that Sonic can't quite hit. Moreover, she is very much Sonic's equal, the two playing off each other like Sonic and Knuckles, but without the latter's bone-headedness. They even square off against each other near the end of the game, with a satisfyingly frantic end-game as Blaze tries to tear our spiny hero a new asshole.

Secondly, and most importantly, Rush has, hands down, the best special stages in the entire history of the series. It takes the half-pipe stages from Sonic 2, wraps them in slick 3D graphics, splashes them with primary colours and overlays it with the freshest, funkiest soundtrack they could muster. Combined with touchscreen play that lets you rocket from one side of the screen and back again in a second and a nifty jump with a flick of the stylus, Rush features the smoothest and most pleasant special stages Sonic has ever traversed. It's like he's died and gone to hedgehoggy heaven.



Rush Adventure

Taking its cue almost entirely from its predecessor and calling it a day, there's really not much to say about Rush Adventure, other than... Pirates! Rush Adventure loves its pirates; the bad guy is a pirate, your opponent in the special stages is a pirate, one of the levels is a haunted pirate ship, the final level is called Pirate Island... Eagle-eyed players might notice a certain nautical theme. But this is a good thing, because it does what Sonic should do - just occasionally, providing us with a calm and breezy adventure with none of the urgency that constantly having to save the world brings. Rush Adventure gives you a map, a few boats to explore it with and a plot that bobs along like a bottle drifting in the swell.

I've run out of nautical imagery, so I'll call this one a day.

It's pretty clear, then, that Sonic Team has a lot of material to draw from in its own catalogue. Whether that will equate to an excellent game is another matter, but will we at least be given a good game? I'd say the answer is yes.