Series Review: Doctor Who - Closing Time

INT. AN ORDINARY HOUSE, DAY

THE DOCTOR

Oh come on, it's the
penultimate episode of the
series; do we really have
time to piss the story
up a tree like this?

JAMES CORDEN

I'm such a terrible father!

If only I weren't such a

useless shit I might

be able to cope!

JAMES CORDEN'S BABY

I'm the most well behaved

infant in the world, what

possible issues are you having

that couldn't be dealt with

by even semi-competent

parents?

Digital Remix: Sonic the Hedgehog part 1

It's time to showcase the many excellent remixes of a series steeped in memorable music

Excellent music has been a constant across the entire Sonic series, regardless of the quality of the games; the combination of a cartoonish cast and a healthily unrestrained approach to balls-to-the-floor set-piece design is reflected in a legacy of varied, catchy and energetic tunes.

As you'd expect, this has led to a pretty diverse portfolio of remixes and rearrangements, and there are way too many to contain within one post. With that in mind, I'd like to present to you an entire album this week, one of several pulled together by the OCRemix community and one with more than a few highlights to pick out.

Spotlight On: Squeedgemonster

No webcomic this week, just big, bright monsters as far as the eye can see

Squeedgemonster is a big fan of her fantasy creatures - all horns and claws and big fang-filled grins - but combines them with the bold and clean lines of a graffiti artist. The result is a range of leering and dangerous characters, exuding an air of ominous, deep-seated malevolence, yet full of colour and life and sheer exuberant vitality. If monsters and furry-themed album covers don't do it for you, Squeedgemonster recently knocked out a batch of drawings for Shark Week, which avoid being too caricatured while still retaining the energetic style that is so immediately and obviously hers.

The picture to your right is one of several bits of artwork she's done for http://www.lapfoxtrax.com/, and features one part of their duo of musical shark girls, Mischief and Mayhem; I can't honestly say their music does anything much for me, but it would be fairly remiss of me not to mention what is arguably the soundtrack to her art, especially when it ties in so heavily to the two characters she draws more than any other; besides, their site links straight to their store, should you fancy adorning your walls or self with her work, which you really should. It's slightly annoying that Squeedgemonster isn't taking any commissions right now, as you'd probably be seeing something of hers at the top of this blog right now if she were, but until she does, please do enjoy Mayhem about to toast someone with the evil cousin of Bullet Bill.

See more at http://squeedgemonster.deviantart.com/

Digital Remix: Cheetahmen theme

A pair of excellent remixes from two of the worst games in history

Action 52 was a baffling and distressing addition to the NES library; based on illegal Taiwanese carts that ripped dozens of legitimate games at a time, sold for an astonishing $200 and home to some of most the incompetent programming committed to screen, it was little wonder that the compilation was never officially licensed by Nintendo.

Possibly the most incredible part of the saga is that, despite being so abominably awful it couldn't even receive official licensing, Active Enterprises apparently believed that the star of the piece, The Cheetahmen, would be successful enough to spawn its own toy range, perhaps even more. The discovery of a fifteen hundred-strong cache of cartridges for Cheetahmen 2, re-purposed from old Action 52 carts, only further demonstrates that human folly really does know no bounds.

On the face of things, there really isn't anything too special about the one and only tune to be found throughout the two Cheetahmen games, although it made a perfect soundtrack for Syoban Action (more on that in a few posts' time...). But in the hands of the OCRemix community, a pair of excellent remixes have come forth, and both have their own unique charms.

The first is a punchy techno track highly reminiscent of the Timesplitters series:



The second goes for a more retro bent, and would be perfectly at home with the jazzy sounds of Sonic 3. Enjoy them both.

Free Game Giveaway: Super Mario Crossover

Is Mario the true hero of the Mushroom Kingdom? Simon Belmont disagrees. And so does Mega Man and SOPHIA and Samus and...

Hacks and tributes to Super Mario Bros are ten a penny these days, but SMC goes to astonishing efforts to recreate the classic NES platformer, from graphics to physics, without a change in sight; having done so, it then throws in a slew of classic 8-bit characters to find out if Mario really is the best man for the job, in his own video game.

From Simon Belmont to Mega Man, a host of NES classics are represented here, and while their various powerups have been modified to fit the three-tier mushroom economy of Mario's world, they all accurately represent their respective franchises, and it's equally fascinating and nerve-wracking to see them duke it out with Bullet Bills and Cheep-Cheeps; Mega Man has serious problems against the Lakitus in particular, as his inability to aim upwards makes for a frantic and powerless mess of a run, constantly stopping to bring in Rush so he can bounce over high obstacles. SOPHIA of Blaster Master fame, meanwhile, proves to be an unstoppable juggernaut, as her jetpack and multi-directional fire make short work of both Lakitus and tricky jumping segments.

Free Game Giveaway: Octodad

This week, a game that makes everything a hassle

At roughly an hour in length, Octodad is definitely more of a taster than a fully fledged game, but with a sequel in the works and an indie team in need of both support and encouragement to see it through, it's definitely worth taking some time out of your afternoon to experience it.

Octodad puts you in the odd-fitting shoes of a cephalopod trying to pass himself as a human; cleaning the fridge, playing football with his son and fetching his daughter her favourite stuffed dolphin are all taken in his bandy, slippery stride.

These mundane tasks are rendered monumentally infuriating by the controls, which manage to simulate his plight with merciless efficiency. Movement involves holding the mouse button that corresponds with a given leg, dragging it across the screen and then letting go, dragging back and repeating with the other foot. Hand control involves much the same, and requires precision tentacle-groping to snake your slimy mitt past picture frames and flowerpots to grab whatever it is you have your eye on.

Retro|Spective: Dynamite Headdy

This week, Fruitbat looks at an often-overlooked Megadrive classic

Ask any gamer what Treasure are famous for and ten times out of ten the words 'Gunstar Heroes' will be the first thing to come out of their mouths. It's still being re-released on all three current gen consoles, and rightly so; Treasure's first game blended platforming and arcade shooting perfectly, and has aged surprisingly little over the years.

Gunstar Heroes exploded on to the scene with passion and style, so it's easy to see why Dynamite Headdy tends to get overlooked. It isn't that the game doesn't get any recognition, but any acknowledgement of it always ends in '...but I thought Gunstar Heroes was better'. Maybe it is in certain ways, but the two are very different beasts, and as tightly made as Gunstar Heroes is, it simply can't hold a candle to the sheer madcap inventiveness and baffling uniqueness of Headdy's adventure.

Spotlight On: The Abominable Charles Christopher

For the first installment of Spotlight, Fruitbat looks at the abominably good Charles Christopher

Sometimes I think that Abominable could be the next great newspaper cartoon, if the internet hadn't rendered them completely obsolete, and if webcomic readers and tabloid readers intersected on the great Venn diagram of life in any way shape or form.

And don't think for a minute that I'm placing it side by side with the likes of Marmaduke and Fred Basset (the British equivalent, in so far that they both contain dogs and make you burst into peals of inconsolable despair). No, this would stand tall with the likes of The Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes, a comic that delivers humour and poignancy in three-to-six panels, wrapped up in a quality of artwork that is pretty much lost in the current sea of mediocrity.

Free Game Giveaway: ROM CHECK FAIL

This week, Fruitbat looks at an arcade-style oddity

Like the very best arcade and puzzle games, ROM CHECK FAIL concerns itself with one simple idea that spawns endless possibilities, both for victory and defeat. That it features a healthy dose of nostalgia is very much in its favour, too.

Each of the game's twenty levels feature a single screen festooned with level blocks and a set of enemies, which need to be cleared in order to advance. What makes the game so unique is that every element of the level - from player to enemy and music to background - is randomised based on a tidy collection of old-school video games. In any given level you might find yourself pitting Pac Man against the Space Invaders, or the ship from Defender against an army of Goombas. Every player and enemy behaves exactly as they do in their respective games - getting caught as the Space Invaders ship spells trouble, as you can only move left and right, but Link and Pac Man are free to roam the screen at will.

Welcome One and All!

It's a brand new Fortress! Where posts are as punctual as British Rail and factual accuracy is a thing of the past!

Seriously though, with my workload chopped in half (who knew you could work as little as 40 hours in a week?) I'm finally in a position to spend some quality time with my Fortress, and with it will come new articles posted on a weekly basis of all things media (but mostly games, if I'm being honest), as well as some new sections including but not necessarily limited to:

Free Game Giveaway

Man, there sure are some good games out there, and some of them won't cost you a dime! They may be short, a little rough around the edges and occasionally demand runtimes that they should really have the foresight to package with the installer, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve your love, and that's why I'll be featuring them.

Retro|Spective

Like a vintage car, all games have to fall out of fashion and grow old. But unlike a vintage car, they can stay spotless for evermore, without rusting or bits occasionally falling off. Some even improve, like vintage wine! The ones featured in Retro|Spective are my favourites, hand-picked and Fruitbat-certified.

Digital Remix

If there's one way in which video games haven't aged a day, it's in the music department. Retro tunes are as catchy as they ever were, and their synthetic beeps have only retained their charm. From the early days through to the modern day, many is the tune that can be rejuvenated and made new once again by a catchy remix. Check in here for some of the best.

Artist Spotlight

Thanks to the internet and the advent of digital galleries, finding a raft of talented artists and decent webcomics has never been easier, to the point of being ridiculously overwhelming. Since I love rummaging through both galleries and webcomics, I'll be showcasing my favourites in the hope that they can become yours as well.

Series Review

I'm damned if I have the time to pick apart a TV series episode-by-episode, week in, week out, but once the dust has settled and things have run their course, I'll be giving my verdict on whether it was all worth it. Series' both new and old will find a home here.

That's all for now; welcome to the Fortress, and enjoy your stay!